Finding Friday

Another week past…hard to believe almost the end of another month….another YEAR!  Where in bloody blue blazes did this one go?!

Considering that the phrase itself is a ‘stand in’ for hell…on second consideration that might not be sooooo far from true. Too much anger, too much sorrow, loss, pain, inhumanity in this year….all across our country and our world. Time passes so swiftly in these difficult times…and yet seems to drag on interminably.

For myself, I choose to hold tightly to the victories amongst the sorrow. The wee, small, quiet moments that assure me that life does indeed go on despite the vagaries of men.  My old dog snoring under my feet, as so long she has. Little A’s smile. Aleah and DJ playing in Peppa Pig’s dollhouse. Visiting the birds at the school. The song of the ocean, as it recalls God singing it into creation so very long ago.

The joys and sorrows friends have shared…that is beyond price.

The stories!  So many stories. Theirs. Mine. Ones we have read. What have you read this year?  What mark did it leave within you?

For now…my dear Khyr and his story are told. Upon the new year I shall edit and revise once more, with fresh eyes and an open heart…seeking to draw from those thousands of words the essence of what and who he is and the story he wishes to share.

And I have Truian to keep me company, so very different from Khyr. I never really imagined that world till now with its air ships and swift solar powered sailing ships, the steam-punk edge but without any of the grit and pollution….eco-punk?  I would love such a world.

He wants to be off sailing now. My heroes and their passion for water…yes indeed. I think I can encourage him to go for a swim yet before this year is over. Now there is a lovely fantasy.

 

Missed a few days here…

…some because I was just swamped with life, and then some because… I couldn’t think of anything worth sharing.

Now I’m back to try again.

Today was gorgeous. Sunny, around 80F, a soft breeze.  Birds singing, squirrels courting, azaleas, camellias, and spring flowers in mad profusion.  Children calling and laughing.  Remy, my Staffordshire, went out early and just didn’t come in.  Found her stretched out in the backyard, sunbathing.  Life is good.

On the writing front, things are … bumpy.  I am thrilled I completed the edits on Khyr’s story.  It is tighter, cleaner.  Not perfect…they never are…but I am proud of it.

The harder part is ahead.  What next?  I have a story I love.  Characters I adore and want to send out to meet the world.  So far the suggestions from those I know and care about who are part of the publishing industry (authors, editors, etc) are very very disheartening.  I am not usually one to be thin-skinned at all.  I accept critiques with delight in what I can learn and possibly improve.  I am open to advice and criticism because I want so very much to be the best possible writer I can be…

But this time…it is like ripping my soul out.

A friend whose clarity and wisdom I much appreciate suggested it is not just ‘this’ … but that it is another layer of pain and stress on top of all the monumental stress and fear we are already coping with in our day to day lives.  Another layer of hopelessness.

I want to tell you….don’t give up.  Don’t give in. We are strong enough to overcome the fear and the sorrows.  Strong enough to keep trying, to hold onto the precious things…like flowers in the morning sun, and our children’s laughter… and remember that the fight is worth it.  The human race is worth it.  Our world is worth it.

And, hopefully, in the end…maybe even just this small writer’s dream will be worth holding onto … until it is time for it to bloom as well.

 

sometimes your heart breaks

…yesterday was one of the hardest days of my life….worse even than losing my husband.

It will make us stronger. And I don’t surrender to the sorrow and loss…not now.  Not ever.  But it takes a bit to bounce back.  So tonight… when I am much too depressing for polite company 🙂  I will just leave my dear friends and companions with a lovely Fantasy to hold on to…

Look up.  Keep believing.  Keep dreaming.  Out of the sorrow…something beautiful will rise.