Life has been a crazed roller coaster of late.
All right, maybe more than lately. Maybe for the last five years! Friday it has been 3 years since my husband passed away…quite suddenly… of cancer. We’d beaten it twice. We expected to do it again. Then he was gone. Still haven’t quite figured that one out, but I picked up the kids and we came home to the Lowcountry.
It has been crazy… in good and bad ways. Of late…lots of bad. Crises upon crises, each deeper and scarier than the one before. Most my own fault. I have a stubborn streak of intractable faith in people. I was brought up to believe the Golden Rule. To treat people…all people….the way I would want to be treated. To give everyone the benefit of the doubt as equal children of the Lord. Love your neighbor as yourself.
Sometimes people make fun of me for being naive. Sometimes people take advantage of my desire to believe in them. I’m not stupid, really. I just believe, in the long run, good will overcome. I can’t imagine how cold the world must be to allow oneself not to trust that beyond the ugliness the news seeks to bury us under there is a greatness in the human spirit. It just needs nurtured.
I digress. Since David passed away, I haven’t had his influence to keep my ‘world is my oyster’ nature under control. Frankly, I’ve made a mess of more things than I care to admit. And, frankly, it has become more than a little discouraging. Then today…faced with having to begin the process of digging out from under the two latest messes…and each time I reach for the edge of the hole it crumbles away… it occurred to my daughter and I that the glimmer of hope we have been so desperately praying God would give us… is all around us right now. In the midst of our being broken and trampled by life, God is preparing us for the blessings yet to come.
He is teaching us to be humble. Teaching us to wait on Him. And above all, reminding us to be thankful and to be good stewards of what He entrusts us with.
Hard lessons for me. I am so not equipped to handle financial things. I just hate them. But I am learning. And part of what I am learning is not to trust ME. Because I will definitely. mess it up again, LOL. A good thing to know.
So now we have a new and hopeful outlook on our current trials. It doesn’t make it easier in the moment. I will continue to have my little panics and moments of doubt that I can crawl out of whatever the next hole is…and then I will. And we will carry on, and keep failing, keep falling, keep learning, keep surviving. Keep giving and hoping and praying… and trying to learn what He is teaching about how to do what is right…the right way.
It is an amazing new beginning… a rebirth of hope. Just like Spring.