May we?

May we dance once more now that spring is full upon us

May we revel in the moonlight on magnolia blossoms…large and white as china saucers, scenting the air with sweet perfume

May we stroll the shore as white crested waves rush to roll about bare feet and erase all track of what is left behind

Image result for waves erasing footprints

May we begin again…with renewed hope, and grace, and determination in choosing the path before us

May we dance

Image result for dancing in the rain

Missed a few days here…

…some because I was just swamped with life, and then some because… I couldn’t think of anything worth sharing.

Now I’m back to try again.

Today was gorgeous. Sunny, around 80F, a soft breeze.  Birds singing, squirrels courting, azaleas, camellias, and spring flowers in mad profusion.  Children calling and laughing.  Remy, my Staffordshire, went out early and just didn’t come in.  Found her stretched out in the backyard, sunbathing.  Life is good.

On the writing front, things are … bumpy.  I am thrilled I completed the edits on Khyr’s story.  It is tighter, cleaner.  Not perfect…they never are…but I am proud of it.

The harder part is ahead.  What next?  I have a story I love.  Characters I adore and want to send out to meet the world.  So far the suggestions from those I know and care about who are part of the publishing industry (authors, editors, etc) are very very disheartening.  I am not usually one to be thin-skinned at all.  I accept critiques with delight in what I can learn and possibly improve.  I am open to advice and criticism because I want so very much to be the best possible writer I can be…

But this time…it is like ripping my soul out.

A friend whose clarity and wisdom I much appreciate suggested it is not just ‘this’ … but that it is another layer of pain and stress on top of all the monumental stress and fear we are already coping with in our day to day lives.  Another layer of hopelessness.

I want to tell you….don’t give up.  Don’t give in. We are strong enough to overcome the fear and the sorrows.  Strong enough to keep trying, to hold onto the precious things…like flowers in the morning sun, and our children’s laughter… and remember that the fight is worth it.  The human race is worth it.  Our world is worth it.

And, hopefully, in the end…maybe even just this small writer’s dream will be worth holding onto … until it is time for it to bloom as well.

 

sometimes your heart breaks

…yesterday was one of the hardest days of my life….worse even than losing my husband.

It will make us stronger. And I don’t surrender to the sorrow and loss…not now.  Not ever.  But it takes a bit to bounce back.  So tonight… when I am much too depressing for polite company 🙂  I will just leave my dear friends and companions with a lovely Fantasy to hold on to…

Look up.  Keep believing.  Keep dreaming.  Out of the sorrow…something beautiful will rise.

winged beauty...

Amazing Beginning…

Life has been a crazed roller coaster of late.

All right, maybe more than lately.  Maybe for the last five years!  Friday it has been 3 years since my husband passed away…quite suddenly… of cancer.  We’d beaten it twice.  We expected to do it again.  Then he was gone.  Still haven’t quite figured that one out, but I picked up the kids and we came home to the Lowcountry.

It has been crazy… in good and bad ways.  Of late…lots of bad. Crises upon crises,  each deeper and scarier than the one before.  Most my own fault.  I have a stubborn streak of intractable faith in people.  I was brought up to believe the Golden Rule.  To treat people…all people….the way I would want to be treated.  To give everyone the benefit of the doubt as equal children of the Lord.  Love your neighbor as yourself.

Sometimes people make fun of me for being naive. Sometimes people take advantage of my desire to believe in them. I’m not stupid, really.  I just believe, in the long run, good will overcome.  I can’t imagine how cold the world must be to allow oneself not to trust that beyond the ugliness the news seeks to bury us under there is a greatness in the human spirit.  It just needs nurtured.

I digress.  Since David passed away, I haven’t had his influence to keep my ‘world is my oyster’ nature under control.  Frankly, I’ve made a mess of more things than I care to admit.  And, frankly, it has become more than a little discouraging.  Then today…faced with having to begin the process of digging out from under the two latest messes…and each time I reach for the edge of the hole it crumbles away… it occurred to my daughter and I that the glimmer of hope we have been so desperately praying God would give us… is all around us right now.  In the midst of our being broken and trampled by life, God is preparing us for the blessings yet to come.

He is teaching us to be humble. Teaching us to wait on Him.  And above all, reminding us to be thankful and to be good stewards of what He entrusts us with.

Hard lessons for me.  I am so not equipped to handle financial things.  I just hate them. But I am learning.  And part of what I am learning is not to trust ME.  Because I will definitely. mess it up again, LOL.  A good thing to know.

So now we have a new and hopeful outlook on our current trials.  It doesn’t make it easier in the moment.  I will continue to have my little panics and moments of doubt that I can crawl out of whatever the next hole is…and then I will.  And we will carry on, and keep failing, keep falling, keep learning, keep surviving.  Keep giving and hoping and praying… and trying to learn what He is teaching about how to do what is right…the right way.

It is an amazing new beginning… a rebirth of hope.  Just like Spring.

Carry on.

In search of something magical

It was a genuinely lovely day today.  The weather, if not so warm as we would like, was more than pleasant.  The ‘sceduled’ rain never came.  My daughter and I spent the afternoon running back and forth from her previous apartment to her storage unit, packing away all of her belongings and furniture before her upcoming move. And during one of those many trips a small miracle occurred which brightened her mood and lifted the whole day to a new level of anticipation and hope…

The move from up north to my bringing the family ‘home’ to the Lowcountry has been a mixed blessing for my kids.  A new place.  New schools.  Looking for new jobs.  The loss of the ‘familiar’ where they’d known where to go and what was ‘out there’.   This daughter, in particular, has floundered.  Her very successful job and comfortable life vanished when I moved.  She’s flailing a bit as she seeks to find her new balance.  Her jobs haven’t begun to approach the much loved environment she knew before.  Let’s face it… she’s been pretty dejected.  Last week her newest job closed for a couple of weeks to renovate their building.  They also ‘cleaned house’ in the employee department…everyone suspected it was coming, so she and I bustled through our day under the shadow of her not knowing what tomorrow might bring.

And then the phone rang.  Not only did they not cut her (one of only three they kept) but gave her a better position at one of their other very successful establishments downtown.  She was elated.  I was thrilled.  The whole day brightened with laughter, and the miracle of hope that at last things begin to turn around.

To celebrate she took me out to lunch at our favorite Folly Beach Crab Shack where I fell totally i love with their crab balls!  OMG!  If their crab cakes are good…these little balls are pure heaven!  Plus we had crab legs and potatoes, smiles and happiness, and it was just perfect.

We found our magic…now here’s a Friday Fantasy to see if we can spread that joy:

the world in her hand