Wishful Wednesday

I ‘wish’ it was wicked…but not too much luck with that today.  At least not yet.

Instead another long, looooong day in the car had me thinking of so many things I wish I could change around here. Wish David was still here…the kids miss him so much.  Wish I could buy him one more banana split at Dairy Grove…and watch the kids giggling over their own ice cream, and how much Dat loved his 😀

Wish I could find a job.  Now that at least can be more than a ‘wish’.  I can change that.  I will change that.

Wish I could find a better ‘home’ for the kids, and me.  Found a wonderful little run-down ‘shack’ of a home driving around last week, the paint long gone, but the porch strong and sturdy, the tin roof needing a good cleaning and mercy! does the whole place need landscaping…a girl can dream.  It would be such a joy to take an old abandoned house like that and bring it back to life.  Make it a ‘home’ once more.  No fancy renovations; just restore it and love it. Put an old wringer washer like Grandma had on the back porch, and a tire swing in the tree out front.

Old Maytag wringer washer like my Grandmas used to have! Oh the memories of laundry day!

Get a wood burning stove (or gas if the city is picky) like the one we love at writer’s camp.

Related image   My cast iron would be right at home.  antique+stoves.+wood+and+gas | Peerless Kalamazoo Gas/Wood Dual Fuel Antique Cook Stove: grn

Add a porch swing and a joggling board…

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I’d be happy to spend the rest of my life fixing the old place up and making it a little ‘more loved’ every year.

If wishes were horses….

Someday, I’ll gallop away.

 

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Remember the good times…

This weekend my husband and I would have celebrated our anniversary…hard to believe he has been gone so long.  Over five years. Cancer is a hard thing, but it isn’t the cancer we choose to remember.

We remember that he always…seriously ALWAYS…forgot our anniversary.  Thankfully, he knew this about himself. He had his secretary remind him…it was on his calendar, after all…and when he moved to a career without a secretary, by then the older girls took over the task.  It actually never bothered me in the least. I knew when it was, and the fact we had made it another year was the only gift required. We did tease him endlessly about it, though. 😀

The younger kids remember he was ‘plushy’ and how much they loved cuddling on his lap and watching horrible tv and movies and bad wrestling shows.  What made it special was that he knew it was all horrible…that was what made it so much fun. Toxic Avenger, grade D movies (Tremors,  Attack of the Killer Tomatoes)… it became a staple item in the kids’ lives…one their friends still remember and celebrate on his birthday each year.

His passion for food!  (I did mention he was ‘plushy’, remember?)  We celebrated our anniversary with food. Either he took me out for seafood or chinese (my favorites) or I made him moussaka or lasagna (his favorites) …usually both…one for each night of the anniversary weekend.

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He snored!  OMG, the man snored like a jet revving for take off.  It became a bit of a joke at the Fair each year with the families in our 4H campground.  And the adjoining campgrounds… 😀

He laughed a lot. Cheated at games…and he loved games…and swore that it was ‘strategy’…and developed a game-winning ‘killer’ attitude in the girls. I don’t play games with them, lol. Except maybe scrabble or dominoes…can’t cheat at those 😉

Today was a good day. There was a gorgeous rainbow right over the river bridge that seemed to reach from the sea right down to our house. It made me smile.  I think that was David, reminding me to do that.  And when we think of him, we always do.

Image result for rainbow over the river Charleston sc

Where did this week go?

Today I had appointments.  Sunday is Father’s Day.  I have quickly lost track of the entire month of June.

Sunday is not sad so much any more…the kids and I are adjusting…but the old habits keep creeping back up on me.  I go to the store and catch myself trying to decide what to make David for Father’s Day brunch.  The kids saying how much they felt they ‘needed’ to make western ribs this weekend…we don’t even eat red meat any more…but because it was their Dad’s favorite.  He loved to grill.  Well, no.  He loved to have grilled food, LOL.  He started the grill and then the rest was mine.  Which was totally the correct move because he was an impatient chef and cooked before the fire was ready.

No ribs this weekend.  No lemon meringue pie or a fancy brunch.

It seems empty somehow without those things.  But he is remembered this weekend.  And missed.

Amazing Beginning…

Life has been a crazed roller coaster of late.

All right, maybe more than lately.  Maybe for the last five years!  Friday it has been 3 years since my husband passed away…quite suddenly… of cancer.  We’d beaten it twice.  We expected to do it again.  Then he was gone.  Still haven’t quite figured that one out, but I picked up the kids and we came home to the Lowcountry.

It has been crazy… in good and bad ways.  Of late…lots of bad. Crises upon crises,  each deeper and scarier than the one before.  Most my own fault.  I have a stubborn streak of intractable faith in people.  I was brought up to believe the Golden Rule.  To treat people…all people….the way I would want to be treated.  To give everyone the benefit of the doubt as equal children of the Lord.  Love your neighbor as yourself.

Sometimes people make fun of me for being naive. Sometimes people take advantage of my desire to believe in them. I’m not stupid, really.  I just believe, in the long run, good will overcome.  I can’t imagine how cold the world must be to allow oneself not to trust that beyond the ugliness the news seeks to bury us under there is a greatness in the human spirit.  It just needs nurtured.

I digress.  Since David passed away, I haven’t had his influence to keep my ‘world is my oyster’ nature under control.  Frankly, I’ve made a mess of more things than I care to admit.  And, frankly, it has become more than a little discouraging.  Then today…faced with having to begin the process of digging out from under the two latest messes…and each time I reach for the edge of the hole it crumbles away… it occurred to my daughter and I that the glimmer of hope we have been so desperately praying God would give us… is all around us right now.  In the midst of our being broken and trampled by life, God is preparing us for the blessings yet to come.

He is teaching us to be humble. Teaching us to wait on Him.  And above all, reminding us to be thankful and to be good stewards of what He entrusts us with.

Hard lessons for me.  I am so not equipped to handle financial things.  I just hate them. But I am learning.  And part of what I am learning is not to trust ME.  Because I will definitely. mess it up again, LOL.  A good thing to know.

So now we have a new and hopeful outlook on our current trials.  It doesn’t make it easier in the moment.  I will continue to have my little panics and moments of doubt that I can crawl out of whatever the next hole is…and then I will.  And we will carry on, and keep failing, keep falling, keep learning, keep surviving.  Keep giving and hoping and praying… and trying to learn what He is teaching about how to do what is right…the right way.

It is an amazing new beginning… a rebirth of hope.  Just like Spring.

Carry on.